Know The Difference?

I remember as a wee lad hearing my maternal grandmother speak of someone saying, "He doesn't know sshhhtt from Shinola." She had a way of saying THAT word (not Shinola; the other one) where there was no mistaking what she was saying and yet it didn't seem to be the real, dirty word.

I remember feeling well on my way to mature manhood because, at probably no more than eight years-old, I knew the difference between the two.

I remember my "Nan" as she was known, threatening to "backhand me across the room" on several occasions, but she never did; as in, "David Lee if you don't stop drumming on that table I'm going to backhand you across this room." There were numerous switchings however with limbs from the elm tree in her front yard, but still we knew we were loved unconditionally.

I remember "sassing" her, once, to very near her breaking point.  We had walked in her house from playing outside. "David Lee is that dog sshhtt on your shoes?!" I looked and replied, "We'll it's not Shinola."

If you're not familiar with this pithy little colloquialism, or even if you are, check out this father / "son" talk from the movie The Jerk.  

I hadn't thought of Shinola in years, that is until I ran across a brave new venture in Detroit, Michigan. When I read about this new company, I wondered if they knew "sshhtt from Shinola." Turns out they did. They actually purchased the rights to the Shinola name from the now defunct shoe polish company.

Not only have these brave souls started a company named Shinola, in Detroit, of all places, but it is a watch-making company. Do these people know that watches are being made in Asian and Middle-Eastern countries for pennies? In fact, most "Swiss" watches are made in China. 

"Lest anyone doubt that the watches it makes are Swiss, watchmaker Swiss Mountaineer emblazons Switzerland’s national flag on the dial of each timepiece. Does it matter that except for their Swiss movement, the watches’ components are made at a factory in Shenzhen, China? Or that Swiss Mountaineer is owned by a Hong Kong company called Golden Hawk? Under Swiss rules that are as precise as its clockworks, Golden Hawk can label its watches Swiss-made as long as at least 50 percent of the value of the movement comes from Switzerland." from the New York Times

Shinola, the company, is going to be fun to watch (no pun intended). I think it is a wonderful thing that young entrepreneurs are creating a company that makes extremely well-made products in the heart of industrial America. And it's not just watches. Shinola is also making bicycles and leather goods, AND shoe polish--how could they not. Please know that I am not being paid or compensated in any way to endorse Shinola, but just as I could from a very young age, I can discern the crappy from the cool, and this new Shinola is cool indeed. Check them out at The Shinola Story.

Just Be Real, Man

I've been sitting on this essay for a while, not sure if I should post it. Usually when I have a question like that, I ask my Amazing-Missus. She is wonderfully honest. I read it to her, and she said, "What's your point?" As I said, she is wonderfully, brutally honest. 

"It's not obvious?" Apparently not. Then she added, "It's too long. No one is going to read it to the end." She's probably right, so then it really doesn't matter if the point is all convoluted. I've decided to post it.

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Soon I'll be doing a presentation on the topic of "Authenticity." (No, wisecrackers; I'm not--necessarily--the example of inauthenticity. I hope. Although I do have my moments and favorite personas.)

I was planning to use these famous lines in the presentation:

This above all--to thine own self be true;
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
--Polonius, Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3. William Shakespeare.

But wait! Should I be taking lessons from Polonius? He's pretty much a joke and human train wreck.

That set me to thinking: It seems that as we age, maybe we tend to be like Polonius, wanting to share our wisdom whether we're wise or not. We like to teach great moral lessons, sometimes as though we've never known immorality. "A plank! What plank? I don't have a plank in my eye!" (Matthew 7:4-5)

The question I couldn't get past was: should we take as sound advice the words from hypocrites, nut-cases, frail humans? Flip that: As occasional hypocrites, nut-cases, frail humans, can we offer sound advice and wise counsel?

There's not much choice, is there?

Back to Polonius, here's a little background from Wikipedia: "Generally regarded as wrong in every judgment he makes over the course of the play, Polonius is described by William Hazlitt as a "sincere" father, but also "a busy-body, who is accordingly officious, garrulous, and impertinent." 

Polonius is described as a windbag by some and a rambler of wisdom by others. It has also been suggested that he only acts like a "foolish prating knave" in order to keep his position and popularity safe and to keep anyone from discovering his plots for social advancement. In Act II Hamlet refers to Polonius as a "tedious old fool" and taunts him as a latter day "Jeptha".

Ouch!! Does the name Jeptha (Jephthah) ring a bell. He's the main character in one of the more horrific stories found in the Bible.

Jephthah was the brother from another mother--a whore, according to scripture. His half-brothers forced him out of the home so he moved to Tob to live with his wife and only child--a daughter, the apple of his eye.  It turns out he had some serious fighting skills which came to be in great demand. The Israelites had once again found themselves in dire straits--sold into the hands of the Ammonites, and they needed a man like Jephthah. The Israelite leaders, including his own half-brothers, went to him with a bargain, promising him a position as chief if he can deliver a victory.

Who doesn't want to be the chief, am I right? So, calling on all his resources, Jephthah makes a hasty vow to God: “If you give me a clear victory over the Ammonites, then I’ll give to GOD whatever comes out of the door of my house to meet me when I return in one piece from among the Ammonites—I’ll offer it up in a sacrificial burnt offering.” 

Judges 11 (The Message) tells the account of what happened upon his victorious return home:

His daughter ran from the house to welcome him home—dancing to tambourines! She was his only child. He had no son or daughter except her. 
When he realized who it was, he ripped his clothes, saying, “Ah, dearest daughter—I’m dirt. I’m despicable. My heart is torn to shreds. I made a vow to GOD and I can’t take it back!” 
She said, “Dear father, if you made a vow to GOD, do to me what you vowed; GOD did his part and saved you from your Ammonite enemies.” 
And then she said to her father, “But let this one thing be done for me. Give me two months to wander through the hills and lament my virginity since I will never marry, I and my dear friends.” 
“Oh yes, go,” he said. He sent her off for two months. She and her dear girlfriends went among the hills, lamenting that she would never marry. 
At the end of the two months, she came back to her father. He fulfilled the vow with her that he had made.

I realize two such stories--Polonius and Jephthah--don't necessarily make a common plot line, but I'm afraid this time they do. I don't need to paint the picture of that plot line; the one where fathers, mothers, and others in essence put children up as a sacrifice, so to speak, for their own gain, be it political or social, or to use a child as a pawn in a battle not of the child's making. But to me it is the most tragic.

Well, this was not intended to be a sermon. It's just a flawed and frail husband, son, father, grandfather and nut-case hoping he can occasionally know himself and not be false to anyone. It goes with the age though to want to offer "wisdom" and counsel whether anyone asks for it or not. Whether the source is worthy or not, hopefully the advice is. For what it's worth.

Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you! --Dr. Seuss

Dinner and A Movie

This is the last post in the series on how NOT to massacre St. Valentine's Day.

No doubt, any restaurant that's date-worthy will be crowded Friday night. If you do it right, you could stay in and not seem like a cheapskate. Remember the TV program "Dinner & A Movie"? It's a concept that could earn you two thumbs up.

First, carefully choose the right movie. You probably can't go wrong with something like "Sleepless in Seattle." A logical menu choice would be salmon--you know because of the famous Pike Place fish market in Seattle. If you're not a cook, have some fun with it and fix fish sticks with mac 'n' cheese.

Go classic and rent "Roman Holiday". Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck can hold their on with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. The menu is easy here--anything Italian--spaghetti and meatballs, lasagna or even pizza. Here's a fun tip: buy one of the ready to go pizza crusts. With scissors, cut it in to a heart shape. Add her favorite ingredients and bake up a winner.

Another good choice with Audrey Hepburn is "Breakfast at Tiffany's".  Mix up a pancake mix with fresh blueberries and top it with good maple syrup for the menu.

Want more movie options? Here's one opinion of the "50 Best Romantic Movies of all Time."

Want to go big with the dinner? Here's a romantic menu planner from Epicurious.com.

A little advice: be careful about offering a running commentary during the movie. No matter how tempting it is. For example, in "Sleepless in Seattle", when the kid leaves his backpack at the top of the Empire State Building and they have to return to get it and Meg Ryan is standing there holding the kid's teddy bear, don't say something like, "You've got to be kidding. Stevie Wonder could have seen that coming."

Well you're on your own now. Good Luck.

BFFs Are Not Just For Junior High Girls

Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest. --C.S. Lewis.

I have the necessary credentials to perform legal marriages, and over the years, I've helped tie a bunch of knots--some tighter than others apparently. This quote (above) by C.S. Lewis is from his book, The Four Loves. I have used the quote in almost every wedding I've ever done because I believe it contains an essential fact in any life-long relationship: the people in the relationship must be not only lovers but friends as well. Don't miss the value of that because it seems so simple.

So in today's post on how to make the most of Valentine's Day, I want to throw out some ideas about celebrating the friendship side of the relationship.

Maybe you've noticed that so far in these posts I haven't mentioned anything about the traditional gifts of the day: chocolates, flowers, jewelry, lingerie, matching bowling balls, etc. Here's a thought though. If you feel you really need to buy roses, buy one, a yellow one, because according to the history and meaning of roses on Pro Flowers website:

"In contrast to the romantic meanings attributed to other roses, the yellow rose is purely a symbol for friendship. This gives it a unique place in the pantheon of roses." 

Or try this: give her two roses: a red one and a yellow one, with a card where you write the C.S. Lewis quote along with something like: "Thank you for being my lover and best friend."

Here's another idea. Take the old concept of a mixtape to the next level. For $49 you can buy an iPod Shuffle. They come in a an array of colors. Check it out here. Take the time to pre-load it with a playlist of good music. Be sure to include at least a few "friend" songs along with some romantic tunes. By all means include "You've Got a Friend". It's a classic from 1971, "written by Carole King, and included in her album Tapestry and James Taylor's album Mud Slide Slim, which were recorded simultaneously in 1971 with shared musicians. Taylor's version was released as a single, and reached number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100. "You've Got a Friend" won Grammy Awards both for Taylor (Best Male Pop Vocal Performance) and King (Song of the Year)."

Here's the link to a great video of Taylor doing the song. 

A few others to consider:

• Bridge Over Troubled Water -- Simon & Garfunkel
• You're My Best Friend -- Queen
• I'll Be There For You -- The Rembrandts

Need a country song, try:

• My Best Friend -- Tim McGraw

Or maybe something of this millennium, try:

• Umbrella – Rihanna

Give her the loaded iPod and the yellow rose and celebrate the friendship.

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In case you would like to see the context of the C.S. Lewis quote, here's an excerpt from The Four Loves:

Those who cannot conceive Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros betray the fact that they have never had a Friend. The rest of us know that though we can have erotic love and friendship for the same person yet in some ways nothing is less like a Friendship than a love-affair. Lovers are always talking to one another about their love; Friends hardly ever about their Friendship. Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest. Above all, Eros (while it lasts) is necessarily between two only. But two, far from being the necessary number for Friendship, is not even the best. And the reason for this is important.
... In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets... Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. They can then say, as the blessed souls say in Dante, 'Here comes one who will augment our loves.' For in this love 'to divide is not to take away.”