Quotable: Flannery O'Connor
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Thank you Flannery O'Connor
The Soundtrack of Life
/Some sage said: Every life needs a soundtrack.
Who doesn't remember the songs that defined their First Coming of Age? I do: the songs of the summers spent swimming at the pool at Dutch's Park, like: "I Can't Get No Satisfaction". Hey it was summer, no grammar teachers were around to shake their heads over a poetic double negative. I can still feel the angst that came from those "Couples Only" songs at the roller rink in Brookside. Did I really want to hold the cold clammy hand of some girl while the Everly Brothers sang, "All I Have To Do Is Dre-e-e-e-eam"?
But what about the soundtrack of our Second Coming of Age? I've given it some thought and would like to recommend a few songs. I've included the lyrics here, but you need to hear the tunes. You can download them from iTunes for about seven bucks.
This first one makes the list because it's a guy in his First Coming of Age trying to imagine the next. It's the Beach Boys' When I Grow Up (To Be A Man)
When I grow up to be a man
Will I dig the same things that turn me on as a kid?
Will I look back and say that I wish I hadn't done what I did?
Will I joke around and still dig those sounds
When I grow up to be a man?
Will I look for the same things in a woman that I dig in a girl?
(fourteen fifteen)
Will I settle down fast or will I first wanna travel the world?
(sixteen seventeen)
Now I'm young and free, but how will it be
When I grow up to be a man?
Will my kids be proud or think their old man is really a square?
(eighteen nineteen)
When they're out having fun yeah, will I still wanna have my share?
(twenty twenty-one)
Will I love my wife for the rest of my life
When I grow up to be a man?
What will I be when I grow up to be a man?
(twenty-two twenty-three)
Won't last forever
(twenty-four twenty-five)
It's kind of sad
(twenty-six twenty-seven)
Won't last forever
(twenty-eight twenty-nine)
It's kind of sad
(thirty thirty-one)
Won't last forever
(thirty-two . . .)
The Beatles took a similar approach to imagining the future in their classic When I'm Sixty Four.
When I get older losing my hair
Many years from now
Will you still be sending me a valentine
Birthday greetings, bottle of wine?
If I'd been out till quarter to three
Would you lock the door?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me
When I'm sixty-four?
You'll be older too
And if you say the word
I could stay with you
I could be handy, mending a fuse
When your lights have gone
You can knit a sweater by the fireside
Sunday mornings go for a ride
Doing the garden, digging the weeds
Who could ask for more?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me
When I'm sixty-four?
Every summer we can rent a cottage in the Isle of Wight
If it's not too dear
We shall scrimp and save
Grandchildren on your knee
Vera, Chuck & Dave
Send me a postcard, drop me a line
Stating point of view
Indicate precisely what you mean to say
Yours sincerely, wasting away
Give me your answer, fill in a form
Mine for evermore
Will you still need me, will you still feed me
When I'm sixty-four?
The next few songs are more like Circle of Life kinds of songs. Each of them talk about a certain inevitability that all of us Men Of A Certain Age can relate to.
The first is Turn! Turn! Turn! by The Byrds. The lyrics of this song are ripped right from the pages of the Bible, Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3.
To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together
A time of war, a time of peace
A time of love, a time of hate
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing
To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven
A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time of peace, I swear it's not too late!
It seems like the band Kansas, may have also borrowed from Ecclesiastes for their song, Dust In The Wind, where the writer makes numerous references to the meaninglessness of life--like chasing the wind.
I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind, All we are is dust in the wind
Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, all your money won't another minute buy
Dust in the wind, All we are is dust in the wind
This next song is Stop This Train by John Mayer. It's the only one on the playlist so far that isn't from the 60s. It too is a looking at the inevitable progression of life. His metaphor is a moving train. Be sure to listen to the song and you will hear a rhythm reminiscent of a chugging train headed with certainty to its destination.
No I'm not color blind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind but...
I just can't sleep on this tonight
Stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly won't someone stop this train
Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own
Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train
So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train
See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.
Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train
I've included Bob Dylan's Forever Young to brighten the mood a bit. I really do believe that while life does move relentlessly forward, we can always capture a bit of the best of youth. Forever.
May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.
May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.
May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.
Everyone who knows me knows that I'm a huge Beatles fan. So it's no surprise that I've included one more Beatles song. But it is totally justified. "In My Life" is sort of the antithesis of the first two songs on the playlist in that it is a look back--in remembrance. I've saved it for the last and would like to dedicate it to my Amazing-Missus.
There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
Have a suggestion for the Second Coming of Age soundtrack?
Coming Of Age in 1969
/It may have been "twenty years ago today,
Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play,"
But 45 years ago today, the band was in Washington D.C. marching in the presidential inauguration parade of Richard M. Nixon.
I had turned eighteen just a few days earlier, a senior in high school, and playing drums in an all-city marching band from Tulsa. I expected to be wide-eyed with wonder at being in the Nation's capital, and playing "Oklahoma!" for our newly-elected president. What grabbed my attention though and held me spellbound were the anti-war, anti-establishment protests dominating the scene.
It is not hyperbole to say that it all oozed in to my psyche. In retrospect it is not surprising either. Just a few days before the inauguration, I had registered for the draft (the Selective Service). Ironically, I could not register to vote, because, although at that time an eighteen year-old was old enough for armed service, he was not ______________ enough (fill in the blank: mature, intelligent, responsible, informed, serious-minded, etc.) to vote. Already at just eighteen that kind of stuff became a seed of suspicion toward the "establishment" for me. Of course the reigning zeitgeist made for very fertile ground for those varieties of seeds.
In the months before all of this, my "life" as a drummer had taken me to Detroit, Montreal, Quebec and New York City where protests and riots were everywhere. A Time magazine reporter writing about the era said, "America seems to be verging toward a national nervous breakdown."
I can remember on one of those trips sneaking out of the hotel where our group was staying in NYC and going to Greenwich Village to hang out in the music clubs, hoping to see the likes of Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix, and so on. I didn't, but the experience was heady; in a drug-free way (at least for me).
1969 still seems larger than life to me: The Jets (with Joe Namath) won the Super Bowl, The Beatles gave their last live performance (on the roof of the Abbey Road Studios)*, the secret bombing of Cambodia, student takeover at Harvard, The Stonewall Riots in Greenwich Village, July 8 the first withdrawal of troops from Vietnam, Easy Rider released, Edward Kennedy drives off a bridge on Chappaquiddick Island, killing Mary Jo Kopechne, The first man of the moon, the Manson "family" killed actress Sharon Tate who was eight months pregnant with Roman Polanski's child, Woodstock: 3 days of Peace and Music, The Brady Bunch premiered, the Amazing Mets won the World Series, Sesame Street made its debut on PBS, the first draft lottery since WWII was held.
Not that it ranks with these noteworthy events, but in May of 1969, I graduated from high school and in the Fall started school at Oklahoma Baptist University. Why OBU? Apparently they had a dearth of drummers and offered me a percussion scholarship.
At OBU, I was a part of the weirdly-worldly (not an official designation, in fact, I just now made that up). It wasn't hard to qualify for this label; OBU at the time was in a bit of a bubble: intentionally and strategically, protected from the rising counterculture. I guess it was because I had the privilege of travel and experience, plus the overrated mystique of being a drummer in a rock and roll band, or maybe it was all in my head. I had already been a part of a few minor protests and moratoriums: seeking the change of the voting age from 21 to 18, some anti-war stuff, etc.
There was one though: it seemed profound at the time.
The Kent State shootings occurred at Kent State University in Kent, Ohio. The Ohio National Guard fired 67 rounds over a period of 13 seconds on unarmed college students on Monday, May 4, 1970, killing four students and wounding nine others.
As a result, a student protests were organized across the country. Hundreds of universities cancelled classes and locked down buildings. I was proud to be a part of the event at OBU. But as we sat through the day and overnight on the OBU Oval, wearing black arm bands, discussing the state of our country and world, and wondering whether we could make a difference, it all seemed a little silly and isolated. Maybe we did make some difference though. At least I was different. I wanted to DO something. I still do.
Don't skip this part. Back then, no doubt I had delusions of importance and occasional altruism. The fact is I was pretty self-absorbed; oh, not in a Justin Bieber brand of narcissism kind of way, but in a way that dictates at least this: for all of those who knew me back then, please forgive me. Maybe the Washington Elite was right--maybe I was too stupid to vote at 18. The dean of students who encouraged me not to return to OBU for my sophomore year certainly would agree with that.
My intent here is not to romanticize those days, but if I have, well... After all this was my first Coming-of-Age. It should be a bit romantic, right?
*Have you heard the rumor? Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr are re-uniting at the Grammy Awards this year.
Pops Flicks Picks Part 2
/“Punch the keys, for God's sake!”
That's one of my favorite lines, from one of my favorite movies. Here's another from the same movie:
"Be sure to write."
I don't know that it is fair to call it a trend or not, but a few years back, there was an emphasis of sorts among evangelicals to call men to a manly-man spiritual worldview. One of the key tenets was that every guy needs an "accountability" partner or small group.
Having a small group of guys to hang out is a good thing, which probably goes back to cave-man days, although I'm not certain of that, I'm not quite that old. My diploma says I have a "BS in Sociology" so I should know the history and dynamics of male-herdness, but I don't. It would seem though, that traditionally, small bands of males could normally be observed gathered around a card table, golf course, local watering hole or coffee shop. The agenda might include topics like: sports, politics, regularity, new (and old) jokes and the allusion of being Masters of Our Domain.
These new groups though were about accountability--checking in with one another to make sure that we were in fact the master of our domain, that we were being faithful in spiritual matters, etc.
I will confess: the idea of accountability to another guy or group of guys was not and is not appealing to me personally. But for a lot of guys it worked and was important to them. I just couldn't get past the idea that I was somehow or another so lazy, dim-witted, unmotivated, undisciplined or whatever, that I needed yet someone else to tell me to floss, drink a lot of water, pray, go to the gym, etc.
The fact is that I am who I am, when I'm at my best, because there have been people who cared enough about me to push me, to challenge me, to inspire me, to set examples for me. That was true when I was six and it's true today at 60-something.
The beauty of this "people need people" reality is at the heart of the two protagonists of Finding Forrester, one of my Picks for great movies. One of the characters is William Forrester, played by Sean Connery. William is a pulitzer prize winning author who has become a recluse and hasn't written anything in years. In a weird crossing of paths, he meets Jamal, a high school age, afro-american kid who loves basketball and writing, but he keeps that passion to himself because it just doesn't fit his culture.
It is a wonderful story of two very disparate guys, who are united by a life in the Bronx and their value of writing. In their weird and wonderful relationship they make each other better human beings, or as my friend Mako Fujimura would say: they re-humanize one another.
William and Jamal from Finding Forrester
This is why Finding Forrester is an important film and on my lists of Pops Flicks Picks.
The two lines from the movie that I started this post with are metaphors and themes for the challenge each offers the other. When William tells Jamal to PUNCH the keys (of his old manual typewriter) he is calling forth an authority and boldness in Jamal.
The line from Jamal to William: "Don't forget to write," comes toward the end of the movie as the two are parting as fast friends. Jamal is not just saying, "write to me," he is saying William you ARE a writer, do what you do.
Thank you; to all of you, who have been so affirming to me, who have been relentless in holding me accountable, knowing how much I dislike that idea. Thank you for telling me, "DO WHAT YOU DO."
Now, if I may be so bold: DO THIS--Watch Finding Forrester. I am holding you accountable to do so.